Let My Scars Fall In Love

I think u still love me. But we cant escape the fact that im not enough for u. I knew this was goin to happen. So im not blaming u for falling in love with another woman. Im not angry either. I should be, but im not. I jz feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought i could imagine how much this would hurt, but i was wrong.

I was seeking that special person who is right for me. But if i've been through enough relationships, i begin to suspect theres no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Because i myself, am wrong in some way, and i seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into my own wrongness. It isnt until i finally run up against my deepest demons, my unsolvable problems, the ones that make me truly who i am, that im ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do i finally know what im looking for. Im looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person, but its the right wrong person, some1 i lovingly gaze upon and think that this is the problem i want to have. I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way. Let my scars fall in love. 

I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But i was beginning to believe that a very few times in my life, if i am lucky, i might meet some1 who was exactly right for me. Not because he was perfect, not because i was, but because our combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.

My Farewell Party

Alkisahnya.. Suatu hari Nini keluar dari bilik terus nampak Hana da bersiap-siap untuk keluar rumah. Intan pulak da pakai kasut nak keluar jugak. Nini tanya Hana mana nak pegi. Hana cakap nak pegi jumpa Fiqah. Ok fine la. Tanya Intan pulak mana nak pegi, jawabnya nak pegi jumpa Nab. Semua reason baik punyer kan.. Ok tak apa, tak kisah la..

Then after few hours Hana call tanya nak tak nasi lemak. Nini cakap taknak. Then Nini tanya Hana dengan siapa. Hana cakap "dengan In....fiqah". Haha okay seems ada udang di sebalik mee. Then nak buat apa, buat donno je lah. Then Hana & Intan balik rumah. Masuk sama-sama pulak tu. Bila diorang tak tegur Nini cam biasa, of course la pelik. 

Nini da janji ngan Fyza untuk temankan Fyza makan petang nanti. Katanya pukul 4pm. Biasaannya Fyza ialah seorang yang sangat menepati masa. Selalunya Nini yang akan lambat. Tapi hari tu, sampai pukul 4.30pm pun Fyza tak contact lagi. Da macam pelik. But takpa la bagi Fyza time sebab Fyza habis class pukul 4pm. Maybe nak balik jam. Tapi biasanya habis je class Fyza akan gtau dia da habis class and on the way. Then almost 5 pm Nini pun tanya Fyza kat mana. Fyza cakap on the way.

Keadaan dalam rumah pulak petang tu huru-hara. Dari dalam bilik Nini dengar macam orang tengah bancuh air. Kuatnya bunyi air dikacau. Lama betul budak ni kacau air. Then rasa ingin tahu apa yang berlaku kat dapur tu, Nini keluar bilik. Tanya apa Hana buat. Rupanya tengah pukul telur. nak buat roti celup telur katanya. Bestnya... Patut la pelik rasanya bila tengok roti dalam bungkusan plastic dikoyak kecil-kecil. Kata Hana untuk bukak booth kat campus. Memang pelik la kalau booth baru nak bukak petang-petang camni. Macam untuk jualan kat bazar Ramadan je pulak. Padahal belum bulan puasa. Sempat pulak tu bagi Nini rasa roti tu. Emm sedap.. :)

Hana da habis goreng. Nini kat bilik tengah tunggu Fyza lagi. Tetiba Intan balik. Macam rushing and kuat-kuat jerit panggil Hana. Main door ditutup laju and kuat then terus masuk bilik Hana. Tak penah-penah camni jadinya rumah. Macam secretive sangat. Ntah la.. Rupanya Intan ingatkan Nini da keluar dengan Fyza sebab kitorang janji nak keluar pukul 4pm. But now at 5pm masih kat rumah. Hana bagitau Intan yang Nini masih ada dalam bilik. Sebab Intan jerit kuat sangat. Then berlakon pulak cakap kuat-kuat kat depan pintu bilik Nini yang Intan nak keluar pegi Coconut Shake. Hua hua..

Ok.. Fyza da sampai. Nini keluar je rumah terserempak dengan Lydia kat depan pintu rumah. Rumah kitorang opposite je. Lydia kata nak keluar jap. Then terus Lydia masuk kereta Fyza. Pelikkan. Ingatkan Nini and Fyza je keluar. Sekali bukan Lydia je, ade Ophelia sekali dalam kereta. Okay once again Nini buat donno je hihi

Fyza tanya mana Hana and Intan. Nini cakap ntah.. Tanya la sendiri. Haha da taktau apa nak jawab sebab gelagat diorang pelik sangat. Fyza yang sedari tadi cakap nak makan, da tak ada arah tujuan. Taktau mana nak pegi. So kitorang pegi la tempat-tempat yang dirasakan boleh lepak-lepak luang masa. Macam-macam yang kitorang buat and semua permintaan Nini diorang tolak. Pegi sana makan itu ini semua tak boleh. Biasanya anything diorang on je.

Then Fyza cakap jom pegi kat Tasik Ayer Keroh. But one thing yang pelik ialah pegi dengan tangan kosong macam taktau nak buat apa kat sana. Even for 5 minutes pun cukup katanya. Cukup pelik >_<

Sampai je kat sana Nini da nampak kelibat 3 of my friends yang cukup pelik kehadiran diorang kat situ. Combination  diorang bertiga memang tak masuk akal. Then Nini macam taknak keluar dari kereta sebab segalanya pelik lah. Then jalan-jalan lagi masuk je ke cafe nampak pulak another 2 friends dalam cafe tu. Plan sebenarnya tak boleh tonjolkan kelibat masing-masing depan Nini. Semua mesti menyorok. Da nampak beberapa orang, means bocor la ^_^

Then diorang semua yang ada kat situ bawak Nini ke satu tempat kat area tasik tu. Sesuatu terselindung disebalik dua pokok besar. Sampai-sampai je kat situ, Nini nampak ramai sangat my close friends yang semuanya berpakaian merah+kuning. Cantik and sweet sangatlah diorang ni . Ade balloon, guitar, & pelbagai jenis makanan. So disebalik semua tingkah laku diorang yang pelik ni ialah suprise farewell party for me :)

Ahmad, X-Man, Rezza, Iwan, Tristan, Syazree, Farah Amira, Lydia, Intan, Fiqah, Zaidi, Ieka, ME, Aimi, Nab, Nana, Bye, Syida, Hana, Farah Syahida, Azie, Ophelia, Fyza

Hana, Farah Syahida, Fyza, Lydia, Nini, Ophelia, Azie, Farah Amira, Zaidi, Aimi

Rezza, Nini, Ieka, Tristan

Ophelia Vanessa Isik

With Ieka

Thanks alot friends for the party. I really appreciate for what u have done. And happy sangat. It will be lasted forever. God has a bigger plan for me than i had for myself. Like this journey never ends. To help me through all this, you are my angel :)

Happy birthday Azie!

Sha, Hana Put, Illie, Azie, Fyza, Nini, Intan, Fifi

Really miss this moment. This photo taken during Azie's birthday party. We tried to find some creative ideas for a successful surprise party to give her a birthday that she will remember forever, in a good way. Its fun to throw a surprise party for her, planning and keeping it as a secret is the best part of it.

B'day gurl & me

We make sure it stays a secret. Otherwise it could turn out boring. Its better if she doesn't have any plans of her own. So after she become "free" we brought her to the location. So, the location called "DREAMBOX" ! :) 

With Intan

We keep quite a small number of people. We are 8 excluding the birthday girl. This time girls celebrating birthday girl. Its quite fun to be all ladies. With balloons, yummy cake, musics which everyone likes, relaxing and taken photos. So we karaoke till the max! Happy birthday Azie! ♥

Azie, Hana, Fyza, & me

Seindah Sakura

I am novel loyal fans. Sekarang Nini da dapatkan novel bertajuk "Seindah Sakura". Drama tv3 Seindah Sakura diadaptasikan dari novel ni la. Dek kerana suka sangat drama lakonan Fahrin Ahmad (Airil) & Fasha sandha (Shakira), sanggup Nini beli novel ni. Da bertambah lagi satu my novel collection. I'm in love sangat dengan character Cikgu Airil ni. Garang haha. Sangat strict but good looking ^_* pendek kata sebenarnya sukakan Fahrin Ahmad. Betul kan? Tapi betul la drama ni da macam sebati dengan character Cikgu Airil, Kira, and Oyang. Dengar je tiga nama ni disebut, macam real je cerita ni. Sememangnya lakonan Fahrin and Fasha sangat hebat. Gandingan mereka mantap. Kalau before ni Nini cakap "Gong Chan, I love you!" in MyGirl, but now Nini nak cakap "Cikgu Airil, I love you!" ^_^ Kan da cakap actor Malaysia pun hebat jugak. Diharapkan drama Seindah Sakura ni meletop macam MyGirl jugak. Kalau MyGirl da jadi phenomenon, now Seindah Sakura pun da jadi phenomenon for me ^_*

My Girl

Sang eo reul sa rang han in eo

My girl or this sa rang sa rang is a korean(chorea) drama. Now played in NTV7. Actually i finished this drama before but now i watch once again because it is really intriguing me. Everytime i watched, i ll be sticking in front of my laptop. I would not budge till the end. It is so amazing and such as i were in my own world. Its not only watch but get in character. Thats normal when we watch a drama like this and focus to the brim. Moreover when the actor incredibly handsome.

Gong Chan caught Yoo Rin with tangerines

Malay actor also not less spectacular. Many handsome one. But rarely we can download malay drama or get in dvd such as korean drama. Thats why many girls are crazy about korean korean and all korean. The cold, snowy, seasons and has been plenty tangerine especially in my girl ^_*. Thats what i like. But all recounts on the poor lass that fall in love with handsome and rich guy. This is the standard of korean drama. All romantic comedy.

                      

By the time i tried to finish My Girl, it was certainly phenomenon. My girl is the best drama i watched. My girl staring Lee Dong Wook, Lee Da Hae, & Lee Jun Kee. Gong Chan (Lee Dong Wook) is the wealthy, unattached heir to a large company.

Lee Dong Wook( Gong Chan)

Having lost both his parents, He is devoted to what remains to his family, particularly his ailing grandfather. After deciding to cut off his only daughter after disapproving of her marriage, the old man is plagued with guilt since the couple was killed  soon after he lost touch. Gong Chan, by chance meets a woman who resembles his lost aunt and is inspired to use her to fulfill his grandfather's last wish.

Lee Da Hae ( Yoo Rin)

The woman, Yoo Rin (Lee Da Hae), is the daughter of a compulsive gambler and is constantly on the run, so when Gong Chan offers her this opportunity she cannot afford to refuse. After Yoo Rin moves in with the family, Gong Chan finds himself drawn to her and a forbidden attraction springs up between them. Oh Gong Chan, I Love You! ^_^

No one knows when is the date of Yoo Rin's birthday even Yoo Rin herself. Snow globe the gift from Gong Chan to Yoo Rin for every single snowy time in conjunction with her birthday that collapsed in winter 

However Gong Chan and Yoo Rin got involved in triangle love with Seo Jung Woo and Kim Seo Hyun.

Lee Jun Kee (Seo Jung Woo)

Park Si Yeon (Kim Seo Hyun)

New Year 2012

Happy new yearrr!! DUM DAM DUM DAM.

baru je balik dari hometown 2 hari lepas. then da nk masuk tahun baru. tinggal pulak di rumah sorang2. housemates semua xde. sedihkan. igt nk balik hometown lagi. siap da call family cakap nk balik sebab xde class sampai few days. tapi kene siapkan project pulak. presentation n submission next week. x sempat nk berholiday sangat. tinggal kat rumah sorang2 mmg terasa sgt sunyi. tp best jgk sesekali tinggal kat rumah sorg2. "terasa umah itu aku yang punya" haha.

sorg ke tak ke same je. activity kat rumah tetap same, cume terasa sunyi xde suara2 org. tp xpe, ade drama korean yang menemani hehe. this time layan "prosecutor princess". best jgk drama ni. even baru start today and baru je sampai episode 5, rase drama ni mmg best. permulaan drama best. best la utk kite yang suka princess2 and yang suke berangan hehe. then da sampai few episodes da mula bercerita bab kerjaya as a prosecutor. teringat my sister bila tgk drama ni.

Even though she is a prosecutor, tapi tgk la office ^_^

Its a musttt to highlight Jimmy Choo high heels dalam Prosecutor Princess ni

then b4 countdown new year, kitorang buat barbecue. as ussual ramai kawan2 rapat bersama2 memeriahkn suasana. menjelang je 12 midnight upacara membakar mercun. waahhh bunyinya sangat hebat n sangat meriah. selagi mercun2 tu tak abes, selagi tu xkan puas. and selagi x injured selagi tu tak puas jgk hahaha.

bukan kawan2 je yang celebrate, special guest yang dibawa dari rumah pn ade. siapakah dia? nama nya baby@nico. baby ialah tetamu kecil kami. "baby monkey". sangat comel. lagi kecil dari baby manusia. warna bulunya seakan2 gold.

Baby Nico icap cucu

bila teringat pulak angka umurkuuuu, alamakkkk todaaaakk. eh todak pulak, "tidak" haha. oh now i feel too old for my age. many things havent done well >_< i need to move up! if in korean drama they say "fighting!" :P opsss korean? sounds like childish tak? haha nak membesar dengan matang tengok la horror movie. not korean or barbie. haha kononnye lah :P its ok age is jz a number (pujuk hati sendiri) ^_^ and dikira2 pulak dah 7 years persahabatan anis dengan kawan anis. umur pn sama. menjerit la sama2!! hahaha

banyak lagi azam dan cita2 yang perlu dikejar. now im finishing my studies. its a 'must' to get a great job. and look at my friends yang da beranak pinak. lagi terasa bila yang lagi muda da kawin. for me, bagai menunggu buah yang tak jatuh haha. bukannya tergesa2 nak kawin, even tak ready pn lagi. orang lain je yang risau lebih :P umur sekarang masih muda, bukannya tua pn. lom lagi andartu hehe. terasa budak2 lagi. masih di alam universitas

alkisahnya new year ku tahun ni tak berseorangan. hehe... countdown last year was with my housemate. and countdown this with my beloved friends. i loike ^_^ thx friends ;)

FRIENDS with EX

Friends with ur EX! tettttttt ^_^     >_<     @_@     #_#  

Have u ever experienced being friends with ur ex? Ok i question u, can u really stay friends after u've split with a guy or will u both be harbouring unhelpful hidden agendas fed by lust, love or a desire for revenge? All's fine till he finds out about ur new BOYFRIEND!

If i question myself, my answer is YES. but long long time ago :P

OMG no words, there's nothing more cringeful than seeing my ex for the 1st time since we split. How should i handle? If i make a quit exit it will look like im still not over him or that i feel like a complete heel bout causing breakup. If i hv polite conversation then every eye will be on the two of us & we could end up with the awkwardness of dealing with the "let's catch up for coffee sometime" scenario.

Its a nice idea, after all, at one point, i thought this guy was the one, so why i throw all those years down the drain when i could still remain friends for old time's sake. time for a reality check and be honest with myself. we still be friends? will be able to chat about studies and friends n our love life without feeling we're entering dangerous or difficult territory? or will meeting up for a latte or three every few months lead to an emotional slippery slope where i delay getting over each other bcz i am still bitter and twisted about what happened or still truly, madly, deeply in love. The point to breaking up after all is that we dont see each other anymore.

There are some couples after they broke up, they are still best buddies. But then there are couples havent been able to let go of each other. Is that what i want? before i decide how to play out my recent split, i have to be aware of the let's-stay-friends pitfalls n positives.

Lets catch some tips about what im gonna do if :

If he broke it off,

When a guy breaks it off when i'm still in love with him, at 1st i go into total character assassination mode. to my friends i point out all of his flaws, from snoring to emotional immaturity & they tell me the things they secretly didnt like about him. Instantly i feel better that he wasnt the kind of guy i should waste anymore time on. Who needs him anyway? only trouble is, over time all memory of those annoying habits may start to get wiped from my hard drive. once i'm really missing the cosy day like crazy i may remember only his good points.

If i broke it off,

maybe i acted too hastily. maybe he was as good as it gets. maybe i'm a fool and i should never have dumped him. i may torture myself with these kind of thoughts n concerns months or even years after a breakup that i initiated. The problem? ongoing single status since the split can make me start to completely lose confidence in my decision. The same doubts can creep in if i've gone through quite a few relationships and they've all been dead end. but jz when im ready to beg him to come back to me, then text :P then meet up for a quick bite which seeing him again reminds me how arrogant, sarcastic, work obbessed, self centred, n vain he was. within a nanosecond  im cured of wanting him back and remainded that i was absolutely, totally, completely right to give him the flick.

 

and if my ex still hangs out with me and i can share a joke or a coffee now and then it sends a strong signal to other ppl to back off.